Legend of The Stick: Order of Time
by Dodos-r-not-extinct
Summary: Crack-pairing crossover between Legend of Zelda and The Order of The Stick. Not my best work.


His nemesis thought he had won and for seven years the land of his birth had shrivelled and decayed under the tyrant's hand. Dread creatures roamed the streets and the stench of death hung in the air, but not for much longer. For seven years the Hero of Time had been sealed away, not yet old enough to challenge this monster, but now he was free and soon he would scour the evil taint from the land and return it to its former glory

* * *

The Wolfos gave one final shriek as it fell dead beside its mate, red gore leaking into the absorbent moss of the forest floor. Its killer, green clad with dirty blond hair and piercing blue eyes, sheathed his sword and proceeded to the entrance proper of the Forest Temple. There was a confidence in his walk which proclaimed many battles fought and won and around his head danced a pink fairy. Dispatching the Skulltula in the next hallway with the same easy efficiency, he was about to pass through the next doorway when his fairy, Navi, attracted his attention.

"Link, listen! I hear voices!"

He listened at the door for a moment and then nodded in agreement. Ready to confront whatever was on the other side he reached out to open the door.

* * *

"_I didn't even get to stab any of them!_" Having heard a variation on this litany for the last five minutes, Roy didn't even bother to turn around.

"We'll just have to go after them later, Belkar. How's that elevator looking V?" Vaarsuvius rose from the kneeling position that had been adopted to study the elevator closer. Dust was brushed from a red robe as the elf answered.

"I am grieved to inform you, Sir Greenhilt, that my not inconsiderable intellect seems to be unable to figure out the mechanism of said elevator. It appears that a different and possibly more perilous way must be sought to defeat this dungeon."

"Well it wasn't likely to be easy."

"There's nothing here but a couple of doors, Roy." Haley informed the group, returning from scouting out the room. "What's the next plan of action?" He didn't get a chance to answer as a young armed man charged through one of the doors. Weapons were drawn and actions readied.

* * *

Only a few steps through the door Link stopped, confused. These weren't monsters standing in front of him, they were people. He studied them for a moment and when they made no move to attack him he relaxed and walked towards them. The dark skinned man was the first to recover from his shock and move forward to greet him.

"Hello. Another adventurer I guess? Not to be rude but what are you doing in here?" Navi seemed to take offense at this but Link just rolled his eyes.

"What are _we _doing here? _What are we doing here? We _are here to wrest the land of Hyrule from the cruel clutches of Ganon!"

"Really? Huh. It seems we are on the same mission then." He looked at the rest of his team and then back at Link. "I don't know about you but I wouldn't begrudge another person helping out. How about it?"

"_Help?_ This is the Hero of Time, the Chosen One! He doesn't need any help! Link, tell them!" Link looked up at Navi and shrugged, spilling the wind from her sails. "Oh. Ok then, if he thinks it's alright. I'm Navi and this is Link, he doesn't say much."

"Roy Greenhilt." answered the dark-skinned man then proceeded to point to the rest of his team. "The halfling's Belkar (you might want to watch out for him), the dwarf is Durkon, Vaarsuvius in the red, Haley and Elan. Welcome to the team I guess. Now since there were four of those ghost things to find I think we should split up. Haley you take Elan, I'll go with Durkon and since we're now an odd number, if V and Belkar take the new guy." After some grumbling from Belkar they split up and headed their separate ways.

It had been going well, all three were working together to figure out puzzles and clear rooms. Coming to the entrance of another room, however, Navi gave a warning.

"Watch for the shadows of monsters that hang from the ceiling. Be careful."

"Screw that Fuzzball, it's just a room!" Belkar exclaimed and proceeded into the middle of it. "See, nothing to be worried about!" As he was standing there an odd whooshing noise started, which grew louder. Looking around he noticed a growing shadow around his feet and glanced up. "What the f-aaaaaaaaaargh!" Link rushed forward but he was too late as a giant purple hand dropped down, grabbed Belkar and returned back to the ceiling.

"I hate to show my ignorance in such things, but what was that?" asked a visibly shaken Vaarsuvius.

"Wallmaster." Replied Navi. "I did warn him. We should keep moving in case it comes back."

Passing through the next door it locked behind them, trapping them in a seemingly empty room. They circled warily, sure that this would be a harder challenge than they had faced so far. When the single Stalfos that appeared was taken down ridiculously easily by Vaarsuvius' Magic Missile spell it was a bit of a disappointment. When another Stalfos appeared disbelief was evident.

"This does not seem an effective challenge to our fighting abilities. Magic -" but the elf did not manage to finish the spell as the second Stalfos, which had materialised unnoticed by the two, dealt Vaarsuvius a blow that threw the mage across the room to slam against the far wall. The elf slumped to the floor, unmoving. Seeing his teammate, even of such a short time, injured Link attacked the Stalfos viciously until they both lay defeated. Leaving their corpses to disintegrate he rushed over to where the elf was lying and shook a shoulder gently, Navi dancing worriedly over their heads. He uncorked a bottle and the bright blue contents were carefully dribbled between thin, pale lips. The mage stirred, blinking up at them slightly dazed.

"Are you OK?" Navi asked worriedly. Link held out an arm as the elf struggled to rise but, with a cry of pain, fell back to the floor.

"It seems I am unable to bear any weight on my left leg. Given the pain and inability to move it, I believe that it is broken."

Link scooped the elf up from the floor. Startled, Vaarsuvius started to struggle. "Please put me down, I have no need to be carried."

"Oh, please!" scolded Navi "You just said your leg was broken and there's no way we're leaving you here." Vaarsuvius stopped struggling but did not relax completely.

"If we meet up with the rest of my group then I can be healed by Durkon. What about the ghost?"

"The Poe? We'll get it on the way out, Link picked up something that should help."

They set off, the elf cradled in Link's arms. Heart beating unevenly, mouth dry, palms coated in a fine film of sweat and breath hard to catch, Vaarsuvius was uncomfortably aware that these symptoms weren't only from the pain. Not used to feelings such as these the elf had not recognised them at first, but now they were making themselves known and Vaarsuvius was hard pressed to suppress them.

They met up with the rest of the group and after V had been healed continued on. A number of puzzles later they came to the Boss Room where Phantom Ganon was defeated.

* * *

Working together they travelled Hyrule, breaking the curses and awakening the remaining Sages.

Fire Temple:

"Is it evil?"

"Evil? It's eating people!"

"Yes but what colour is it?"

"Red, I think."

"It's evil then."

* * *

Water Temple:

"Fiancée? You're arranged to marry this aquatic denizen of the lake?"

"Well technically he didn't propose. We just needed a crystal from her that, in Zora custom, is given to those you are going to marry. It was never actually discussed."

* * *

Shadow Temple:

"Hey, pass that Lens thing here for a second? I want to see if it'll work on Ears."

"Belkar!"

* * *

Spirit Temple:

They stand starting at a block. None of them could move it and all have tried.

"Well what do we do now?"

"Wait here, Link and I will try something." Link produced his Ocarina and, after playing a tune, disappeared. Not much later he was back, but this time his gauntlets were silver. He approached the block and moved it with ease.

"What did you do?"

"He got in touch with his inner child."

* * *

Finally, Ganondorf was defeated and sealed in the Evil Realm by the seven Sages. Finding themselves back in Hyrule field they breathed a sigh of relief that this quest was at an end. Link called his horse, Epona, and they said their goodbyes as they prepared to spilt up and return to their own homes.

"Well, it was nice meeting you Link. See you around."

Link leapt onto Epona's saddle then turned around and held out a hand for Vaarsuvius. With only a token hesitation the elf grabbed it and was pulled onto the horse behind him. Epona reared and then galloped off with them into the sunset. The rest of the Order and Navi watched them go, all but Haley surprised by the turn of events. Belkar crossed his arms, fuming.

"Huh, I don't see what he has that I don't."

"Manners, looks, concern for anyone but himself, I could go on if you want." Answered Haley looking pleased.

Navi was confused. "So it's female?" The Order exchanged glances.

"Eerm we don't actually know."


End file.
